Don’t Be Angry

Can we talk about anger for a bit? After impatience anger is the most often topic of discussion in the confessional. This has become even more so during the last couple of years while we were all facing the unknowns of a pandemic. People of all ages and both men and women have been confessing anger with their loved ones, anger with politicians, and even anger with God. The one common thread that runs through all the discussions is a misunderstanding of anger as a sin.

Let’s start our conversation with the understanding that, like all emotions, anger is morally neutral. That is, it is neither good nor bad it just is what it is.  What we do with our anger, how we express it, how we hold onto it, how we let it influence our lives is what moves anger into the realm of sin. But even acknowledging this, we must remember that not all anger is sinful, and some anger is categorized as righteous.

We are rightly outraged when we see injustice. We are rightly angered by abuse of another person and even more so when that person is vulnerable. We become angry when someone on the road cuts us off and puts us and our families in danger. These are only a few examples of righteous anger. Our anger in these types of activities should cause us to act to change the situation. Our anger motivates us to work for justice, to learn about and prevent abuse of any person, to change our driving habits so that we are less effected by other peoples inattention.

Often the greatest source of our anger is those whom we love the most. Our parents, our children, our siblings, or our extended family that know us well, also know how to push our buttons. Either intentionally or unintentionally these are the people who raise our blood pressure and our ire. Our response to their infractions, perceived or real, often is an example of what sinful anger looks like. We shout, we accuse, we fight, we may even come to blows over a disagreement. Rather than the anger itself being sinful, it is our display of anger that rises to the level of sinfulness. While our anger towards what the other has done may be appropriate, this does not give us the right to lash out or to become confrontational. Instead, we must remember what our mothers told us, two wrongs do not make a right.

Anger with God is often confessed as a mortal sin. Disrespect of God, making demands of God, accusing God, are displays of anger towards God that accomplish nothing and like our response to our family and friends can rise to the level of sinful anger. If on the other hand we have spent a lifetime growing our relationship with God, if we regularly speak with him, then from time to time we may find ourselves confused about God’s plan for us. This confusion can lead to frustration. Frustration can be expressed as anger. If we blame God for all the difficulty in our lives, if we believe our lot in life is God’s fault and heap a bunch of anger on Him then we may be biting the hand that feeds us and moving into sinful territory. If on the other hand we are simply expressing our frustration to an intimate friend, with whom we share everything, then we needn’t worry about sin.

All this simply to say that anger is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we immediately know the source of our anger and we can deal with it in a healthy way. Other times, the source of our anger eludes us, and we can become grouchy and unpleasant to anyone who crosses our path. To avoid allowing our anger to become sinful, perhaps we need to accept that from time to time we will be angry. It is not something to fear or to avoid. It is also not something that needs to be expressed immediately or loudly. Sometimes we will just need to sit with our anger to discover where it is coming from and how to deal with it.

Finally, when the topic of anger comes up, we are always reminded that even Jesus got angry. When he threw those folks out of the temple, he was angry. His response was measured and probably came after a time of prayer.  In our struggle with anger, maybe having a conversation with Jesus will help enlighten us about how we are to deal with anger. Perhaps a conversation with Jesus will help us avoid the temptation to turn our anger into something that is sinful.