Pastor's Pondering 10/1
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October 2, 2023There is a huge difference between navel gazing and doing an examination of one’s conscience. One leads to holiness the other can lead to self-loathing, conceit, or a distorted view of oneself.
Navel gazing, you may remember is the act of spending too much time contemplating our own thoughts, problems, or actions. When we do this, we can become fixated with what is wrong with us. We can invent reasons for people to dislike us, for us to consider ourselves unworthy of others time or attention. On the other hand, navel gazing can also distort our opinion of ourselves in the other way. Our self-analysis, our obsession with ourselves can lead us to think ourselves better than others. When our internal conversation is all about what we do well we can begin to want everyone to think, and act like us. This is why as followers of Jesus Christ we need to avoid navel gazing. It very rarely leads us to true knowledge of ourselves and often causes us to exist on the fringes of our community.
On the other hand, as followers of Jesus Christ we are encouraged to examine our consciences on a regular basis. Examining our conscience differs from navel gazing in that it is done not as a self-serving exercise but is meant to help us to respond affirmatively to the universal call to holiness. As we examine our conscience, we become familiar with the actions, thoughts, attitudes that have either caused a rift, or have destroyed our relationship with God. In the light of Christ, we can distinguish between venial and mortal sin which helps us to be aware of the health of our relationship with God. In this activity we also take stock of the good things that exist in our lives and develop the attitude of gratitude that leads us to joy.
Too often, as we prepare for the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we can spend a lot of time navel gazing and precious little time on examining our conscience. In our preparation we can concentrate on how something made us feel rather than if it led us to holiness. We can assume that the critique of others, or our distorted thoughts are true and thus convict ourselves of sin. We can also spend way too much time comparing ourselves to others, to assess our actions, words, or thoughts considering what others are doing rather than what we are called to do.
Now that we know there is a difference between these two things how are we to successfully examine our consciences? As with all things that involve placing ourselves in the presence of the sacred, we need to quiet ourselves and our surroundings. As I mentioned in last week’s pondering, God is not a yeller or a screamer, and neither is our conscience. Instead, our conscience is that voice within that asks us in a nonthreatening and nonjudgmental way, “how has this thought, word, or action, led me to holiness?” In our examination of conscience, we should commit ourselves to answering the question, “have I been seeking to do the will of God, or have I settled for comfort, wealth, power, or popularity?”
One thing we will never hear our conscience say is that we should just give up because the goal of holiness is too hard. We will never hear our conscience tell us that we are unworthy of God’s love, or that we are worthless because we are not perfect. Our conscience will never so convict us that we believe we are beyond the mercy and love of God. Instead, the voice of our conscience always calls us to turn away from sin and to follow the good news of Jesus Christ. Our conscience reminds us that even when we are lost, we are not alone.
As we examine our conscience, we become aware of what is virtue and what is vice. We become more and more accustomed to avoiding vice and seeking virtue. We come to know what sin is, what needs to be confessed, what we need to change in our lives, and for what we need be grateful. An examination of our conscience is always rewarding but from time to time, this activity may even reveal to us that it has been a while since we fell into a sin with which we once struggled. As we place ourselves in the light of Christ, we may discover that since our last confession we have not committed obvious or mortal sins. Rather than this being cause for worry or bragging, it is a time to rejoice and to be glad. This is a time when we acknowledge that God’s grace and the Holy Spirit have helped us to resist temptation. However infrequently this happens we need to get on our knees and thank God for this wonderful gift.
All this simply to say that one of the most important tools we use on our way to holiness is an examination of conscience. More than self-awareness our journey within, our internal assessment, carried out in the light of Christ, with the help of the Holy Spirit draws us closer and closer to the source of all that is good, all that is holy, and all that has been gained for us by Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
